Reinventing myself now that the kids have left home has been a hard task. There is so much involved with re-imagining who you are outside of the title of “mother” or “father”.
Some responsibilities of being adult still remain, of course, they are inescapable–but the main one, at least for me–of raising my kids is complete.
I no longer have to raise my kids–I am here now to encourage, support and listen. And in the most curious of ways–I am here now to learn from them.
My daughter said to me many months ago–”Don’t worry mom, you do you and don’t worry about anybody else.” I’m not sure what we were talking about at the time–but there seems to be a universal truth in that statement.
You do you. What if you don’t know what “you” wants to do or be or not do and be?
You do you. What if you do know what you want to do and be but are too scared to move forward?
I think it comes down to manageable tasks–and those can be broken down further into manageable areas in life: Health, Spirituality, Relationships, and Growth.
Many of these tasks cannot be done all at once–but at the same time all are connected and they leak into each other.
You cannot talk about or make changes in your health without considering how that will impact your relationships, your mental growth and your spiritual being.
You cannot confront and fix issues with your relationships without it affecting your health, your psychological development or your spirituality.
And because it is so intertwined and messy, many of us stay stagnant and don’t change the things we need to change to make us better people, and to be happier. We don’t want to rock the status quo.
This is happening to people of all ages–not just empty nesters and people in their mid life years. While I don’t have all the answers–not sure I have any of the answers–I do have a desire to try to figure this all out in the time I have left on this earth.
Another reason we are reluctant to challenge the status quo is because of the Woolly Mammoth Fear I discovered and shared with you in the last post. We are so afraid of change, and afraid to disappoint people.
Sometimes we are afraid to disappoint the people closest to us–and sometimes we are afraid to disappoint people that really don’t matter. It’s a crazy world. Because we spend a great deal of time thinking about it and avoiding it at the same time.
What I have come to understand is that it takes a lot of courage to be YOU. YOU is hard. YOU has to stand up to criticism, rejection and pain. And YOU has to do it anyway. Because that is who YOU are.
So my first decision is this–I’m going to do it anyway so let me just work out the best way to get it done-faster, better and smarter–which is my motto.
But let me explain. Faster does not mean fast. For me faster means learning from those who came before me. There is no trophy for tripping over the same rock 5 other people tripped over. Faster means watch, listen, learn and walk around the rock. That just saved you some time.
Better means how can I do this differently that will serve me better. Better means if it served me better–can it serve others?
Smarter. Why are we still doing the same things we were doing 30 years ago? We have learned to evolve with the conveniences of the new modern technological world but still want to do things the old way–which is harder, less effective and just NOT SMART.
Lots to unpack here…and lots to do. I am making a list for my DOING YOU and how I would like to share this journey. I hope you’ll follow along…
As we continue to grow and do YOU, remember that you should be having fun! If you are not having fun yet–you may need to re-imagine and re-create again until you are in the right place. After all that is what life is all about–getting to the right place.
Comment below if you feel you are searching for the place to start making the needed changes in your life or if you have any suggestions on which changes should be a priority.