Pity Party

Pity Party

So many people lately have invited me into their misery.  Not only have I been invited but then asked why I am so happy all the time?  I am chastised for being the “lucky one” by having to listen to their “horrible situation”.

They are all in a midsts of their own Pity Party.

I do not mean, that when bad, sad or truly unfair things happen to us we shouldn’t feel bad. We should. We should mourn the losses, we should cry at sad circumstances, we should  get angry and we should get all the help needed to get through it.

And then, no matter how difficult the situation may seem we need to pull ourselves up from our bootstraps and move on.

Most people do–from truly horrible events–death of a loved one, disease, or the destruction of their home by a hurricane.

Those are not the pity parties I have been invited to.

The pity parties I’ve attended recently–not by choice, mind you, are miseries that are getting us nowhere.  I listen–because that is what I do–and it gives people attention.

Attention, apparently, that they really need because no matter how well a person listens to their woes and encourage them that all will be well, they continue to pity themselves and to share their sorrows  and indignations until everyone around them (who have been invited to the party) disappear!

No one wants to attend their pity party!  Especially when they are so upset because…

…their children are young and they are so tired because it is so much work,

…their children are big now and making choices of their own,

…they hate their job, their boss is unreasonable, and can you believe they got in trouble for being late…ONE time?

…they have a lot of debt and are broke,

…they are single and cannot find the love of their lives,

…they are married and the love of their lives is getting on their last nerve,

…they are young and no one understands their “struggle”,

…they are getting older and are feeling “unneeded”,

…they are going through “the menopause”

…they are indignant that their politician did not win.

And on and on and on. What is happening to us?  As a society, a community, we are falling apart!  We are creating all kinds of suffering that is not really real just so that someone else will pay attention to us…

So here is what I have to say–to those throwing these parties and those of us who ended up on the invitation list.

If you are throwing the pity party–STOP!

I mean really stop, and think for one moment how lucky we are to be living in this moment in time–with the kids, with a job, with politicians we can debate about and yes, even with “the menopause”!

Stop feeling sorry for yourself over situations that you got yourself into, have the power to get yourself out of and are truly “just life”–nothing bad has really happened to you!

Be thankful everyday for your wonderful miserable life. So many people in the country and the world–have it so much worse!

If you are the lucky devil getting invited to these pity parties–STOP attending!

Walk away, make a polite excuse and get out of that party as soon as you can.  It is best that you don’t attend at all–don’t get sucked into bringing the wine!

We are not helping the miserable soul get on with it by attending–pity doesn’t help anyone–the pity-er or the pity-ee.

So please, save your invitation–I’ll be uh…busy training my elephant that day…You have one life people, enjoy it!

Drop me a comment below–or feel free to email me at emptynestsavvy@gmail.com!

Duh Mom!

Duh Mom!

Part of my ideas for navigating the empty nest years and beyond is to remain relevant and authentic. I don’t want to lose touch with my kids even though they have grown up and left the nest.

Most of our communication as you can imagine is by text—-although I am loving FaceTime and make sure I always have my lipstick on in case they “face” me.

Learning the new text lingo and all the new technology platforms is hard!  The fact that I know the term “technology platforms” is a big advancement for me!

So because I know that practice makes perfect–I thought if I really want to get good at this I need to use it.  And I used my two daughters as my guinea pigs—-I mean—-teachers. Here is how it went:

Daughter one:

Me: How are you doing?

Daughter: Good mom.

Me: LOL!

Daughter: What’s funny?

Me: What? I can’t say LOL by itself?

Daughter: No mom. LOL! Comes after something is funny. It is a response.

Me: OK. Well were good. How’s School?  OBTW–I got new curtains for the family room.

Daughter: School’s fine. It’s not Oh, by the way mom, it’s just BTW.  

Me: LOL!

Daughter: Better mom, but not really. Talk later.

 

Daughter two:

Me: How are you doing?

Daughter: Good mom, what’s up?

Me: Nothing is up. Just thought I’d text.

Text silence (is that a thing?)

Me: I heard a good joke the other day and I was LMFAO!

Daughter: You know that has a bad words in it right?

Me: NO! Which letter?

Daughter: The F and the A.

Me: Oh.  Not like LOL!?

Daughter: Nope.

Me: OK. So OT I got some new curtains for the family room—they look RG.

Daughter: What’s RG mom?

Me: Really Good!

Daughter: No, Mom, not a thing….BRB.

Me: Bad Really Bad?

Text Silence–10 min later

Daughter: Sorry mom I meant Be Right Back.

Me: Oh. You busy? We can TML…

Daughter: TML? Mom what are you doing?

Me: Text More Later? I’m making dinner.

Daughter: No, I mean what are you doing with all the letters…

Me: I just thought I would practice the text lingo, I guess I’m not very good at it yet.

Daughter: DUH.

Me: What does DUH stand for?

Daughter: Just Duh mom. Talk later.

 

And so with two utter fails under my belt—I sigh and continue to reinvent myself and navigate through this crazy new language in the texting world.

Communication is changing so fast and more words are being added to the dictionary every year than ever before and online you can even access an urban dictionary! (A city dictionary–I wonder what they use in the country? A rural dictionary?)

Just keeping up and keeping relevant is going to be a tough road. I’m doing well on the authentic part though—-I’m authentically confused and starting to feel my age!

Luckily, I don’t think I’ll lose touch with my kids because they are so good about correcting—-I mean teaching—-me the new ways to communicate when I get things wrong.

But I do think I have entered that time zone in which people of a certain age—-me—-have fallen into the generation gap and we are viewed as OMG—-old!

In order to feel better of course, I called my mom. I told her about my practicing the new text lingo with the girls and my failure.

“Mom” I said, “I think I’m starting to get old!”

There was silence for a moment and then she said:   “DUH!”

 

How are you coping with the changing language, texting, messaging and emailing skills needed in this 21st century world?

Drop me a comment and let me know!