Making the Most of Marriage

Making the Most of Marriage

Marriage is hard work. Some people make it look easy.

I’ve been reading a few books lately about people with successful, happy marriages and their secrets.

I have also spent some time thinking about people in my life who have had long, successful marriages and what have made it so.

There are two things that are present in all these examples: Trust and Communication.

Sounds pretty easy and foundational right?

I was amazed when I asked a few friends what trust and communication looked like in a marriage to find how many struggled to come up with a definition or example.

Here are my thoughts. Trust in marriage is simple to define if you have it. It means that every aspect of your life is safe in the hands of the other person.

That means that each half of the couple looks out for the other physically, emotionally, financially, and spiritually.

And here’s the best part of trust in successful marriages: this trust is given and received automatically by both parties without having to discuss it, measure it or ask for it.

It just is.

Communication, likewise, in loving and successful marriages is almost a natural extension of the marriage itself.

It means the couple is willing to communicate about anything and everything. It does not mean the couple has to agree.

But both are free to express themselves verbally or non verbally and know that the other will respect and accept their opinion.

It just is.

That is what makes it not hard to define, but hard to achieve. It takes time to develop and it takes practice and work to keep it consistent so that a marriage will stand the test of time, trials and testaments.

Making the most of your marriage is a worthwhile effort and looking back years from now to see the success and strength in your relationship is a blessing.

And it all begins and ends the same same way: with trust and communication.

Changes, Changes, Changes

Changes, Changes, Changes

I knew  once I was an “empty-nester” that everything would change. That I would change. And that things needed to change.

Change is inevitable–it happens everyday and sometime we don’t even know we are changing.  Most of the time change is for the better–sometimes though we don’t change or we resist change with all of our being and I wonder why we do that?

2018 is my year of massive change–from accepting that my birdies are becoming independent, to decluttering the house of past “stuff”  (and I am in no way from being finished!), to rethinking my future plans, and generally trying to figure out what I want to be when I grow up!

Who knew all this change would feel so good?  If I had known I was going to enjoy it so much–I would have changed many things, many years ago!

I am meeting new people and having new experiences and generally just having a ball.  Who knew?

And so I wonder why we, as humans, resist change so strongly.  Why we push back when things change, and why we generally have a bleak outlook that somehow “change” will be bad.

Imagine if nothing had changed in the last 30 years.  I certainly would not be writing a blog right now–since it would not exist. Nor would you be reading anything like a blog on a smart phone, laptop or tablet.

Communication between people would still be, well–unchanged!  We would be talking on a telephone that is ATTACHED to a wall–by a CORD! And we would only be able to talk to one person at a time–getting a busy signal if you tried calling a phone number that was already engaged!

By the way, all our phone numbers would be written down in this little alphabetical diary called a Phone Book–not saved in Contacts!

(For those who are young enough to have no idea what I’m talking about, suffice it to say that you are living in a spectacular time of amazing technology!)

Things have changed so much! And we mere humans have changed with the things–whether we wanted to or not, or whether we consciously noticed we were changing in the first place.

Who would have thought 30 years ago that we would be buying bottled water!  We used to drink it right out of the tap–without filtering it! And now we don’t even think twice when we plop down $1.25 for a bottle of WATER!  

I used to pay 10¢ for a cold Orange Fanta in a glass bottle!  Ah, those were the days–but these days are phenomenal!

Change is everywhere and it ensures that our minds are engaged in learning everything that is new. It opens new horizons for us that we never thought possible.

We are better informed and better able to locate information than ever before!  If we don’t remember something, don’t know something or need a step by step video on how to do something we can just go out into the internet and “Google” it!

Even if we are unsure what to type in to find the right result–we could just ask SIRI–and she’ll be happy to find it for us!

Yes, change is good! It’s exciting and dynamic.  Everything that is not changing or resisting this natural change is being left behind, falling apart or doing severe damage to the people it affects.

Embrace the changes in your life–it is good,  it is necessary and it’s fun!

What changes are you enjoying the most? What changes have been the most challenging? What do you wish had not changed, and why?

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