Reinventing, Re-imagining and Recreating Your Life

Reinventing, Re-imagining and Recreating Your Life

Reinventing myself now that the kids have left home has been a hard task.  There is so much involved with re-imagining who you are outside of the title of “mother” or “father”.

Some responsibilities of being adult still remain, of course, they are inescapable–but the main one, at least for me–of raising my kids is complete.

I no longer have to raise my kids–I am here now to encourage, support and listen. And in the most curious of ways–I am here now to learn from them.

My daughter said to me many months ago–”Don’t worry mom, you do you and don’t worry about anybody else.”  I’m not sure what we were talking about at the time–but there seems to be a universal truth in that statement.

You do you. What if you don’t know what “you” wants to do or be or not do and be?  

You do you. What if you do know what you want to do and be but are too scared to move forward?

I think it comes down to manageable tasks–and those can be broken down further into manageable areas in life: Health, Spirituality, Relationships, and Growth.

Many of these tasks cannot be done all at once–but at the same time all are connected and they leak into each other.

You cannot talk about or make changes in your health without considering how that will impact your relationships, your mental growth and your spiritual being.

You cannot confront and fix issues with your relationships without it affecting your health, your psychological development or your spirituality.

And because it is so intertwined and messy, many of us stay stagnant and don’t change the things we need to change to make us better people, and to be happier. We don’t want to rock the status quo.

This is happening to people of all ages–not just empty nesters and people in their mid life years.  While I don’t have all the answers–not sure I have any of the answers–I do have a desire to try to figure this all out in the time I have left on this earth.

Another reason we are reluctant to challenge the status quo is because of the Woolly Mammoth Fear I discovered and shared with you in the last post. We are so afraid of change, and afraid to disappoint people.

Sometimes we are afraid to disappoint the people closest to us–and sometimes we are afraid to disappoint people that really don’t matter. It’s a crazy world. Because we spend a great deal of time thinking about it and avoiding it at the same time.

What I have come to understand is that it takes a lot of courage to be YOU. YOU is hard. YOU has to stand up to criticism, rejection and pain. And YOU has to do it anyway. Because that is who YOU are.

So my first decision is this–I’m going to do it anyway so let me just work out the best way to get it done-faster, better and smarter–which is my motto.

But let me explain. Faster does not mean fast. For me faster means learning from those who came before me. There is no trophy for tripping over the same rock 5 other people tripped over. Faster means watch, listen, learn and walk around the rock. That just saved you some time.

Better means how can I do this differently that will serve me better.  Better means if it served me better–can it serve others?

Smarter.  Why are we still doing the same things we were doing 30 years ago?  We have learned to evolve with the conveniences of the new modern technological world but still want to do things the old way–which is harder, less effective and just NOT SMART.

Lots to unpack here…and lots to do.  I am making a list for my DOING YOU and how I would like to share this journey. I hope you’ll follow along…

As we continue to grow and do YOU, remember that you should be having fun!  If you are not having fun yet–you may need to re-imagine and re-create again until you are in the right place. After all that is what life is all about–getting to the right place.

Comment below if you feel you are searching for the place to start making the needed changes in your life or if you have any suggestions on which changes should be a priority.

Woolly Mammoth Fear

Woolly Mammoth Fear

Not too long ago I confessed that being in an empty nest household can be very:

  1. Satisfying–because you did a good job as a parent and the kids are independent and pursuing their own lives;
  2. Exciting–because now is the time to reinvent yourself and make plans for the future; and
  3. Terrifying–because now is the time to reinvent yourself and make plans for the future.

I thought that by starting to make some future plans I would be able to navigate this empty nest.  And most of the time I can–but there are days when I come up against this big woolly mammoth called fear.

For months I thought that my biggest fear is that the kids are far away–far from home–far from me–and what if something happened? It is hard for a helicopter mom to adjust!

I checked the news channel of the cities in which they live each morning to see what the crime is like in their areas, I checked the weather reports and wondered if they remembered to take an umbrella or a jacket.

I was really really good!  I never texted them to ask if they remembered to take an umbrella or a jacket! That was so hard! I’ll admit that a few times I texted myself that message just to get it out of my system.

And as some time passed and I would call them or they would call me, I realized that they were fine. They had not forgotten to eat while they were away from home, and if they got wet in the rain, I never heard about it.

But the fear was still there.  Not worry–as I think I will worry about them until my last breath–but fear. The kind that sits on your chest–the big woolly mammoth.

Then it finally hit me, my biggest fear was not the can the kids survive without me? thing. My biggest fear was can I survive without them? thing.

Ouch. I could not remember a time without my kids. I mean I do remember my childhood and my adult years before children–but I don’t remember what it FEELS like to not have my babies in my life.

The realization that the fear was about me being able to move on was one I had not prepared myself for. And at first I didn’t know how to deal with it–but putting a name on it made all the difference.

Now I can sit and stare that woolly mammoth in the eyes and  I know I am satisfied that I did the best job I could with the kids. The girls are making their way in the world and now I must find my way.

I am excited to be in a place that I can reinvent myself and move towards new and different and diverse goals.  And I am also terrified to be in this place–but since I have named the fear– it is my control.

Next week I am going to dig deep and talk about reinventing, re-imagining, and recreating a meaningful future in this new chapter of my life. And hopefully, the woolly mammoth will find a new address in which to live.

How do you cope with the fear of change and uncertainty?  Comment below and share and like this post with your friends if it resonated with you!

And while we are busy trying to figure out our direction in life–don’t forget to have fun while you are doing it!