Being The Real You

Being The Real You

Life can sometimes be hard. And without thinking about it we sometimes make life harder for ourselves.

Being 50 gives you (ie. read me) a lot of perspective.

We cannot deny our personality but many times that is exactly what we do in order to impress other people, to not rock the boat, to go along to get along or to keep others from hurting us.

However, when we deny our personality and our true selves in order to protect ourselves what often happens is it backfires and we complicate our lives.

It does us no good to deny our true needs and wants because in the end we will be frustrated, angry or full of regrets.

Also, we usually get to a point in our lives–for me it was 50–when we no longer want to settle to please others or to keep wasting time in endeavors that are not making us happy.

Life can sometimes be hard but it can also be wonderful if you find a way to be the real you as you navigate the rough parts.

Here is what I have been doing to be the real me:

  • I choose to be honest, with others but mostly with myself.
  • I choose to spend time doing things that I find enjoyable and fulfilling.
  • I choose not to apologize for my feelings and opinions.
  • I choose not to worry about what other people think.

I know, it sounds easy…but it is actually hard. But oh so worth it! So enjoy being the real you–its the only you there really is!

Your Circle

Your Circle

Your circle of friends should want to see you win.

Your circle of friends should not be joyful when you are struggling.

Your circle should be quietly supporting and not critical of your life decisions.

Your circle should not spend their time trying to change you to be more like them.

Your circle of friends should recognize that you are unique and that in reality they are better for knowing you.

Those that are part of your circle should be helping build you up and not constantly breaking you down.

Who is in your circle?

Your circle belongs to you. You don’t have to let everyone in–you don’t have to let ANYONE in–that does not fit in with your goals, your lifestyle, your values and your priorities.

Life is challenging enough without having to surround ourselves with people who are not going in the same direction.

Others will define you based on who you surround yourself with.

And it is never too late to create your circle, modify your circle or remove yourself from a circle that is not aligned to your true self.

For those that don’t belong in your circle, that use their energy to being you down, or that only want to use you, wish them well and let them go.

No hard feelings are necessary, they just don’t belong with you.

Create your circle with people that will encourage you to be your best as you encourage them to be their best–those are the people that belong in your circle.

Getting to Know You

Getting to Know You

There is no person on this earth that you need to get to know more than…yourself.

Especially as you get older and change. And you should be changing, all the time, as you age.

Every day we encounter new things, new ideas and people and new experiences.

This will change you–at least it should.

Your basic personality, of course, stays pretty similar day to day and year after year, but you are never the same person you were yesterday.

If you strive to be the same person or worse portray to the world that you are the same person year in and year out, then you are not growing.

Worse, you know yourself but you are unwilling to show the world who you really are because it may not be who others want you to be.

So you need to get to know yourself and you need to learn how to share who you are with others.

Now, that does not mean that you behave badly, are inconsiderate of others and just expect people to deal with you whether they like it or not.

But it does mean you need to associate with people that are similar to you and like minded.

For example, if you are a kind and generous person you will not want to be with people who are the opposite– always taking advantage of your generosity.

If you are an honest and moral person, people who are not are going to rub you the wrong way. Why aggravate yourself?

Let those people spend time with each other since they share the same values–or lack there of.

You are a reflection of those you spend the most time with…and if you know yourself you will be better able to choose people that will build you up and not try to tear you down.

Those people–I guarantee–know themselves and they do not like who they have become, so they spend their time trying to bring others down to their miserable existence.

As we grow and change and get older it is okay to let go of people in your life that do not serve to add to your happiness.

Wish them well and move on. Don’t worry about what they have to say about you and let it go.

Getting to know yourself means you are comfortable with who you are, in your own skin and that will help you be happier. After all, wherever you go, that’s where you’ll be.

Serving Others

Serving Others

For all us humans, our lives are about serving others.  We don’t always like to think of it this way, but it is in fact what we are doing. Some people may react and think: “I was not put on this earth to serve others.” because we see it in terms of some menial task or job.

That’s not what I am talking about. What I am talking about is our purpose. Everyone’s purpose–in one way or another–is to serve others.

And it is exactly what we are supposed to do. It is how we serve that defines who we are, how we provide that service and what ultimately makes us happy.

Wait–What?

Yup, we are all on this earth to serve others to find our happiness–and for those of you who think I’ve lost it and there is no coming back from this one–let me explain.

Children serve their parents: as a source of love, joy and many times comic relief. After all–they did not ask to come here–we created them.

Parents–serve their children by providing love, security, safety, guidance and yes–loads of embarrassing moments!  (It is character building, kids–you’ll thank us one day!)

In school, students serve as being fountains to fill with knowledge in order to create an orderly society, a future workforce and the next generation of innovation.

Teachers in turn serve the community by educating those students and preparing them for life, the world outside and the many challenges that an education can help them overcome.

Politicians serve to keep our society civil, orderly and they are the referees of the “fair and square” in the world of law.

Doctors and nurses serve people who are sick or who want to prevent illness.

Husbands serve their wives by being a partner, a helpmate, a provider and by supporting the process of raising children and maintaining the home.

Wives also serve their husbands as partners, providers, the moral education of their children and the keepers of the home.

Churches serve the communities through religious teachings, being a moral compass to their members and providing spiritual guidance.

Our Military serve us by keeping us safe at home and abroad from bad actors that may want to physically harm us and our way of life.

Our Police Officers/Fire and EMS personnel serve us in keeping us safe and providing order and protection in our communities.

If you really think about it everyone and everything we do is in service for others. Yes–many of these examples are also called jobs and we get paid to serve. True. But most of these examples are underpaid, underappreciated and undervalued.

Yes–even the politicians. (Well maybe not the underpaid part)!

Regardless, this is the way it is supposed to be and how we keep an orderly world and smoothly running society.

When I sat down and really thought about this and its implications it became very clear to me why some people are happy and others are not so much.

If you don’t believe me, just look around and decide if many of society’s–and the world’s problems–would not be more easily corrected if everyone lived a life of service to someone else or to their community.

The ripple effects of this would be tremendous and it would help many people find a sense of their purpose.

When we have a purpose–a true desire to live the best life we can–it always includes some type of service. Follow your purpose–serve others and be happy!

How do you serve others in your life? How have others served you? What changes can you make in your life to bring you closer to your purpose?

How can I serve you?  Comment below and let me know what you would like me to write about!  And have fun today!

Solutions to Starting Healthy Eating Habits

Solutions to Starting Healthy Eating Habits

Everything we do effects us for the good or the bad. When it comes to our health many times we ignore or overlook these “effects” because they can be subtle.

After all, we don’t eat a fast food meal today and suddenly have clogged arteries and an extra pound around the middle…but over time and many fast food meals later–well you get the picture.

When we decide to change our habits the effects to our bodies will also be subtle and slow to show.

We should not expect to see solutions or magic immediately.  There is no magic shake, or pill or cleanse that will take the pounds off and make us look beach body ready.

Also, you cannot think of this change for your life as a one time diet or exercise routine until you are where you want. It will be an ongoing process–one that takes commitment.

That may sound hard, but it is really a beautiful thing to commit to oneself.

When we commit to change our habits and make this life change it is a sign of the self care and self love we all deserve.

And I do have some solutions that are not difficult and that everyone can do to get started, so let’s keep it simple:

  1. Eat the right foods in the right quantities
  2. Drink Water
  3. Move
  4. Get good sleep
  5. Repeat

Eat the right foods in the right quantities. What are the right foods? The closer to nature you can get the better.  Fruits and vegetables and salads should be a staple at every meal. If you eat meats–then try to get the best meat that is available to you.

The bigger part of the eating the right foods is to stay away as much as you can from processed foods.  That can be hard–especially after years and years of eating these things.

But it can be much easier–even if you cannot give up processed foods–if you watch the portion size.

The serving size of most foods are on the packages. Yes–the serving sizes seem very small when you start looking at them. But in reality they are just right. And your body will adjust very quickly!

So do you have to give up your favorite foods? Of course not! You just have to eat LESS of them.

Drink Water. Our bodies are made up of a lot of water and in order to function properly our cells need water. Simply said one of the easiest self care actions we can take for ourselves is to drink more water.

Move. In order to burn calories and keep our bodies in the best of shape we do have to move. You do not have to do a 4 hour work out each day. But you do need to get off the couch.  

If you don’t like to exercise–go for a walk. Anywhere. Get outside into the fresh air. Or add activities to your regular routine that can ramp up your movement. For example, folding clothes while standing up instead of sitting down will burn twice the calories. Activities such as gardening or cleaning the house also counts as movement–don’t underestimate yourself. Once you get your body moving it is easier to keep it moving.

Get good sleep.  Believe it or not if we are not sleeping well then our bodies are not performing at optimal levels. And it is causing our bodies to not burn calories the way it is meant to. Getting good sleep is essential to having good health.

Create a ritual and routine to getting to sleep at night. Turn off all the distracting images and sounds that keep our brain “awake” at least 30 minutes before you go to bed to help your body unwind.

Repeat.  When one day is done…start over the next day. Each day we complete these steps is one day closer to making it a habit. And as your body changes you will actually feel it. You will feel lighter, and less hungry, and better!.

What if you fall off the healthy wagon? Start fresh the next day. No need to give up or beat ourselves up for it. We are human and this is hard work. But we are worth it.

IF you have tried everything and it still does not work get someone to help you. There are doctors and nutritionists that can suggest different regimens for you and there are health coaches that can help you create the healthy habits you are looking for.

I enlisted the help of a health coach and it truly was a wonderful experience. Not only am I healthier but I have strengthened other parts of my life as well.  I believe in her work so much that I have gone back to school to become a health coach myself, so I can help people the way she helped me!

Creating healthy habits is a life change–not because it is difficult and challenging but because it will change your life for the better. There are many people around us that would discourage us from bettering ourselves–I’ll talk about them in my next post.

Remember whatever you choose to do–choose it for yourself and have fun with it!

Comment below:  What is the biggest hurdle holding you back from committing to this self-care?

Reinventing, Re-imagining and Recreating Your Life

Reinventing, Re-imagining and Recreating Your Life

Reinventing myself now that the kids have left home has been a hard task.  There is so much involved with re-imagining who you are outside of the title of “mother” or “father”.

Some responsibilities of being adult still remain, of course, they are inescapable–but the main one, at least for me–of raising my kids is complete.

I no longer have to raise my kids–I am here now to encourage, support and listen. And in the most curious of ways–I am here now to learn from them.

My daughter said to me many months ago–”Don’t worry mom, you do you and don’t worry about anybody else.”  I’m not sure what we were talking about at the time–but there seems to be a universal truth in that statement.

You do you. What if you don’t know what “you” wants to do or be or not do and be?  

You do you. What if you do know what you want to do and be but are too scared to move forward?

I think it comes down to manageable tasks–and those can be broken down further into manageable areas in life: Health, Spirituality, Relationships, and Growth.

Many of these tasks cannot be done all at once–but at the same time all are connected and they leak into each other.

You cannot talk about or make changes in your health without considering how that will impact your relationships, your mental growth and your spiritual being.

You cannot confront and fix issues with your relationships without it affecting your health, your psychological development or your spirituality.

And because it is so intertwined and messy, many of us stay stagnant and don’t change the things we need to change to make us better people, and to be happier. We don’t want to rock the status quo.

This is happening to people of all ages–not just empty nesters and people in their mid life years.  While I don’t have all the answers–not sure I have any of the answers–I do have a desire to try to figure this all out in the time I have left on this earth.

Another reason we are reluctant to challenge the status quo is because of the Woolly Mammoth Fear I discovered and shared with you in the last post. We are so afraid of change, and afraid to disappoint people.

Sometimes we are afraid to disappoint the people closest to us–and sometimes we are afraid to disappoint people that really don’t matter. It’s a crazy world. Because we spend a great deal of time thinking about it and avoiding it at the same time.

What I have come to understand is that it takes a lot of courage to be YOU. YOU is hard. YOU has to stand up to criticism, rejection and pain. And YOU has to do it anyway. Because that is who YOU are.

So my first decision is this–I’m going to do it anyway so let me just work out the best way to get it done-faster, better and smarter–which is my motto.

But let me explain. Faster does not mean fast. For me faster means learning from those who came before me. There is no trophy for tripping over the same rock 5 other people tripped over. Faster means watch, listen, learn and walk around the rock. That just saved you some time.

Better means how can I do this differently that will serve me better.  Better means if it served me better–can it serve others?

Smarter.  Why are we still doing the same things we were doing 30 years ago?  We have learned to evolve with the conveniences of the new modern technological world but still want to do things the old way–which is harder, less effective and just NOT SMART.

Lots to unpack here…and lots to do.  I am making a list for my DOING YOU and how I would like to share this journey. I hope you’ll follow along…

As we continue to grow and do YOU, remember that you should be having fun!  If you are not having fun yet–you may need to re-imagine and re-create again until you are in the right place. After all that is what life is all about–getting to the right place.

Comment below if you feel you are searching for the place to start making the needed changes in your life or if you have any suggestions on which changes should be a priority.

Into Each Life a Little Rain Must Fall

Into Each Life a Little Rain Must Fall

I mean this in a good way–everything cannot be roses all the time. Into each life a little rain must fall.  And the rain has a purpose:

The rain washes us.  Sometimes we make really bad decisions and it causes a storm in our life.  

Sometimes it seems like the storm will never end–but when it does we realize that the storm and the rain that was falling was washing us.  It was taking away the dirt we had on us. It was making us shiny and new and getting us ready for the sunshine.

The rain feeds us. Many times we are running through life so fast and so hard trying to do and be everything for everyone that we forget about ourselves.

The rain is there to feed us–to give us that moment to stop, breathe and take in the nourishment that only the rain can give. The rain feeds us with hope and energy so we can keep going in this fast paced world and be able to keep doing and keep being–for ourselves.

The rain helps us break ground.  There are times in our lives when we are dormant. No matter how hard we try we just are not moving forward or getting ahead. We are stuck.

Just like with the seeds down in the ground during winter–we are sleeping.  The rain comes and softens the ground for us so that we can stretch and grow. Soon we’ll be breaking through the surface and reaching for the sky just like the plants do.

I am learning a great deal about myself this year and how I have arrived at this place. There have been rain showers in my life–sometimes drizzle, sometimes howling, blowing, tear down thunderstorms. All have been necessary, although at the time I thought I could have done without the rain.

Each storm has taught me a lesson and it has made me the perfect imperfect person that I am–searching to do things better.

Most of all I have learned that I would not be who I am without the rain.

So into each life a little rain must fall and fall it will. Let it.

 

Comment below and have a great Monday!